Joy in the journey

I have spent the last several months explaining some of the things I have lived through in the last ten years.  It hasn't been easy. Sometimes I laugh and sometimes I cry.  Sometimes I am happy and some times I am fed up with it all.  Sometimes I just want to run away and go to the beach.  I really want to run away and go be my parent's little girl again, but I probably won't get that for a very long time.  The beach will have to do for now.  I get tired of carrying a load that is too heavy for me to carry.  I get discouraged. Interestingly though, I have never thought "Why me?" and really meant it.  My friend John told me that he sees me as "pragmatic."  When something comes along, the only thing that makes sense to me is to face it and deal with it.  That is what I have tried to do with my situation.  I haven't done everything right, in fact, I've done almost everything wrong, but I've done the best I can with the cards that have been dealt to me.  I have learned from my mistakes, but I can't change them.  I don't dwell on them or wonder how life would be different if I did this thing different or that thing different. Life is what it is. What I might be able to do is pass some of the things I've learned along to someone who can use them. Then maybe there was a purpose to it beyond what it has taught me and how it has changed me.

Just like you, I live in a world that is complicated. It's not all doom and gloom, but it isn't all roses either. Some days life sucks. Somedays it like heaven on earth. Most days are in between. It's life.

In spite of all the help that I received in 2008-2010, I find myself very alone dealing with the day to day realities of my situation. I don't have family around anymore.  I get little support these days other than a listening ear every once in awhile from a friend. I am grateful for my friends.  I am grateful for my faith, which sustains me through the hardest times.  I know that my Savior, Jesus Christ understands and goes through it with me. Heaven only knows how I would have been able to endure without that in my life. My children and grandchildren bring me joy and help me to realize that when all is said and done, I have a lifetime of memories to create with them. So, my future is in them. It is making great memories with those wonderful people that are my descendants. It is showing them that although life isn't what we expected, that we can find joy in the journey.

That reminds me of a quote: "Life is just like an old time rail journey...delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burts of speed.  The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."   --President Gordon B. Hinckley quoting Jenkin Lloyd Jones.

Thanks for reading.  If you have stuck with me since the initial story of the accident, I have to say, I am impressed.  I don't know that I would have the patience to read something like this from someone else.  It is long, and complicated, so thank you for listening, even if you have only read a few posts. If by chance you think that I could give advice to someone who is going through something like we have been through, direct them to me.  I would love to listen and I might even be able to help in some small way.  I'll probably write more post occasionally, but they won't be everyday anymore, and they probably won't be about the accident anymore.

Find joy in your journey.