My advice to those who might be going through a similar experience

Picture by Sold in a Snap Photography - Danielle Fleming

I have experienced a lot and learned more than I have cared to through this experience.  These are not things that I wish anyone would go through, but the fact is, people are going to be going through them and oh, how I wish I could have gotten some advice from someone who had been there before me!

Here are some things I have learned:

1. One of the first things you need to do is complete "Family Medical Leave Act" paperwork from your job.  You will miss a lot of work, and this will protect your job. 
2. Don't assume that all medical professionals have your family's best interest at heart.  
3. Make sure that any medical professional that touches your family member have seen their medical records and x-rays.  Damage can be done if they have not. 
4. When things get tough, leave the hospital.  It's okay if you leave and go somewhere for awhile. (As long as you are the family member, and not the patient!)
5. Don't worry about what people think about how you are handling everything.  Instead, just do the best you can.
6. Show appreciation for those that offer you help.
7. Accept help from people for things that you are unable to do on your own.
8. Be honest with people when you explain why you are late with your payments or miss your appointments.  People are pretty compassionate when they know the reasons.  
9. Ask for help from people who say, "Let me know if you need anything."  There will be a lot of them.  They want to help, but aren't sure how.  Give them a specific way that they can help.  This is even something that one of your friends could coordinate for you.  
10. Count your blessings.  Things could always be worse.  If you don't believe it, visit the rooms of some of the other patients.  Richard was the most critical, but by looking around, I could see people who had spinal cord injuries, and he didn't have those, so I gave thanks that he didn't have any spinal cord injuries.  
11. Ask questions and take notes when you talk to the doctor.  You won't remember if you don't. (Now you can actually record the conversation on your phone.  It's not a bad idea!) 
12. The doctors may tell you that they will do some other procedure at a later time, and then they don't.  Ask why.  Show them your notes (or audio) that prove what they said.  Hold them accountable.  
13. Make sure that medical professionals are using proper sanitation procedures and if they are not, stop them and ask for them to.  You will be able to tell because in the more serious deparments of the hospital, they are more careful and as you move down in care, they become lazy.  Don't let that happen.  
14. Be prayerful about life and death decisions.  The Lord does answer prayers concerning these things.  
15. Deny consent if you feel that things are not being done correctly.  They cannot proceed without your consent.
16. If insurance companies are not responsive to your needs, call the state insurance commission.  They will straighten up real fast!  
17. Take food to your family member if the food is not edible.  
18. If an extremity is crushed in the accident, and it swells, have the doctors split the skin.  This will eliminate compartment syndrome and my save that extremity from being amputated or non-functional.  
19. Find the EMT that was a first reponder and let them know how it turned out.  They rarely get to know that information.
20. Rely on your faith, and make no excuses for doing so.  That faith will sustain you.
21. If your family member has a head injury and is unconscious, ask to receive the medication that will help them not lose their eyesight.  
22. Don't be too concerned if your loved one says strange things or experiences paranoia while on major meds.  Those things will go away once the meds are reduced.
23. Have your loved one get off of pain meds as soon as possible.
24. Review your insurance policies, even ones that you don't think will have benefits for you.  They might.  
25. Sit in on OT and PT visits.  If they need to be more aggressive, tell them so.  If they need to hold back a little, tell them that too.  
26. When you make an appointment with Social Security about disability benefits, make sure that you have all the documentation that you need with you.  You don't want to have to do that more than once!  
27. Find the best doctors and question the use of the doctors and facilities that are chosen for you.  
28. Question any facility that the insurance company chooses.  Check them out before your loved one goes there.  If you don't have time for that, it is something that a friend, family member, or co-worker can help you with.  
29. Find a trusted counselor and don't be afraid to ask for professional help to handle everything.  It is over-whelming.  
30. Make changes in your life that are best for your new circumstances.  You may need to be closer to family members or relocate due to to climate or altitude issues. Do what is best for your family with no guilt. 
31. When you can't find solutions to a medical problem, it may take years to find the answer.  Pursue every avenue and don't give up hope when you find a dead end.  
32. Try to help your family member set new goals, find new purpose in their life, and look toward the future.  It will help with depression.
33. Try and be there for major successes such as walking for the first time after the accident.  
34. Once they can, play games, read stories, do things fun together that will give you things to help bond you and give you things to talk about.  It will lift everyone's spirits.
35. Don't close the door on legal action if necessary, but don't pursue legal action when there are people who simply make mistakes, especially if those people are your friends.  
36. Don't be surprised if some medical conditions don't show up for years.  
37. Laugh at your situation.  There are some funny things about it!  
38. Embrace what you have learned through the experiences.  Those things make us more compassionate, loving, and better people.  
39. Find a way to celebrate your successes and make opportunities that may never come again.  Tomorrows are not guaranteed. 
40. Advocate for your loved one!  No one else is going to do it.  It's up to you!  
41. Tell your neighbors that you are coming home with someone who has been hospitalized for months because they need to be more considerate of normal neighborhood noises such as dogs barking at 6am.  
42. Be a source of optimism for people who are going through similar cirucumstances.  I have seens so many that have totally given up hope.  Give hope away freely.  Miracles happen everyday.  Sometimes we need to be reminded of that.  
43. Write down the events of the day at the end of each day.  You will realize how much your have accomplished, and it will be a great record for you to answer questions later about what happened when.  
44. Know that I have been there before you and I believe in your ability to triumph over this adversity in your life.  There are people who understand.  Reach out to them.  
45. Do things that bring you joy.  They may be little things, but you have to do fun things just to keep your sanity.