Serving and Being Served

In the LDS community, it is expected that you will serve others.  I have done my share of serving in my ward, my community, and of course, my family through the years.  One thing that I have noticed through this experience is how hard some people find it to be served by others.  
Let me first explain that service involves any kind of help to another person, whether that be providing meals, cleaning someone house, being where you need to be to help someone with something they might be going through in their lives.  I was certainly a fortuante recipient of such service, especially during these couple of years in my life.  
As a society, LDS people are good at serving others.  However, they are no so good at receiving service.  I know that that might sound silly for those looking at it from the outside because people can't recieve help if there is no one to help.   

Let me go back to a conversation that I had with my father about two years into this experience.  My son, my father, and I were in the car together and I am not really sure what the topic of conversation was at the time, but my father (not LDS) said, "Michael, there is something that you need to realize. No one is ever going to do anything for you without expecting something in return."  I was stunned. I guess I was stunned because I have spent years seeing people do just that, and especially in the previous two years of my life! I have also done things, and even looked for things to do to help people with no thought or expectation of anything in return. I described my experiences to my father, and concluded that people do things for others all the time without expecting anything in return. Doing so is actually part of our religion. It comes partly from "Inasmuch as you have done it unto one of the least of these, my brethren, you have done it unto me."  (Matthew 25:40)

When I was the one that needed help, I felt no guilt for accepting what I could not do for myself. I guess I was humbled sufficiently to realize that without help, I could not carry this load, and I don't think I could have.  I depended on others sincerity when they offered to help, and graciously accepted that help.  

Since that time, I have served in positions where it was my responsibility to meet the needs of those who had them.  I have seen a lot of people refuse help.  It could be because they thought it make them look weak, or not self-sufficient. Maybe they don't want to think of themselves as "one of the least."  I don't really know what their thinking was, but I can tell you that there needs to be someone to help in order for someone else to help.  Being that someone is not anything to be ashamed of. I think it is part of the humbling process described in this scripture:

Ether 12:27

• Book of Mormon

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

 What I can tell you is this: Being the one that needs help is part of the plan.  It does not show weakness, it shows honesty and humility and the desire to be taught of the Lord. It may be hard for some to ask for help, but if they didn't, the joy of giving service to others would never be felt by people who desire to serve. There are lessons to be learned through helping someone else that cannot be learned by any other way. There are also lessons to be learned in being the one that is receiving the help. Everyone needs both of those experiences.  

Another thing I learned is that people want to help in ways that are comfortable for them.  There may be things that need to be done that no one else wants to do, but there is something that comes from giving in the way that is hard that cannot be learned by doing the thing that is comfortable.  People are VERY willing to do what is in their comfort zone, but refuse to do what needs to be done when it is outside of their comfort zone.  That is the point at which they become the widow giving their mite. 

This is not to say that doing what is in your comfort zone is not giving and serving.  It is. But when you go beyond that, and are willing to say, "I will do whatever you need me to do, even if I don't want to do it."  you are giving in a way that will change you deeply. Then you truly giving the widow's mite to the person you serve. That is a beautiful thing for both the giver and the receiver.  

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Life is dirty.  Don't be afraid to help in ways that are uncomfortable.