Moms of young children

I know that it might be fun to go all out for your child's birthday, but consider this: The more extravagent you make their birthday, the more extravagent next year's will be, and the next and the next. By the time they get married, there will be no pleasing them. They will become entitled.  There is nothing wrong with a simple birthday with family and a small party with friends.  No wedding style cakes, no motorized vehicles, no mounds of toys.  Keep it simple.  You will be glad that you did, and in the end, they will be too. It is hard to be young and on your own. There are things you can't afford.  Don't put yourself in a position to support them for the rest of their lives. Teach them to take care of themselves and to be happy with what they are given.  It is one of the best gifts you can give your children.

Life long learning

Today I had brunch with a former student.  She contacted me almost four years since I last saw her.  She was twelve then.  Now she is a young woman who is smart and beautiful.   I am grateful that she took time out of her trip to Vegas and her life to share a meal with me. She said something that touched my heart.  She said that she didn't remember too much about elementary school, but she remembered GATE. She remembered some of the units that we did there.  She remembered the chocolate unit and the electricity city unit.
One of the best parts of my job teaching gifted kids was that I got to learn something new every day.  The kids taught me something or I had to research something for a topic they chose or something every day.  I am not longer forced to do that because of my job.  Now I do it because I love doing it.  I love learning.
It doesn't matter how old you get, you have things to learn, lots of things.  I read non-fiction a lot, but sometimes I have to go back and reread a book I've read.  Sometime it takes more than one time reading something for it to sink in.  I like that kind of reading because it makes you think. Thinking is good.  It is exercise really for the mind. We can learn so much by reading nonfiction books.  I love them.  I always have.
Becoming a life long learner is something that I am pretty proud of. It takes a little effort for sure, but it is such a blessing to be able to learn things.

“Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death.” 
― Albert Einstein

“All I have learned, I learned from books.” 
― Abraham Lincoln

“You'll never know everything about anything, especially something you love.” 
― Julia Child
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/lifelong-learning

Keep reading.  Keep learning.

Marriage is more than love

I can’t speak for other people and their marriages, I can only speak for my own.  When I married, I married because I was in love, crazy in love.  I thought that if I did the right things in life, life would be easier.  I tried to follow the rules as I saw them and was taught them about life.  That meant being married before you had sex, getting an education so that I could have more control over my life, and having children inside a marriage.  

I have now been married for 32 years.  I am not ‘crazy in love’ anymore.  My husband is disabled, has Post Traumatic Stress, a traumatic brain injury, two many physical injuries to mention, and embarrasses me beyond description in public.  It would have been very easy for me to walk away.  In many ways it would be much easier to leave than to stay.  Let me tell you why I don’t.  

Our marriage is bigger than my husband and I.  I made a commitment when I got married that I would stick with it.  I would not walk away.  I meant it.  We have three children.  They are grown people.  Two of them are married and have families of their own.  In spite of that, they need married parents.  They need to see that people don’t walk away from a marriage because it is hard.  My grandchildren need to see that you don’t end a marriage or a family because someone is sick or injured.  My family supports each other.  We help each other through hard times.  That is what our family does.  Some families do that, some don’t, but we do.  We are a support system for each other through difficult times in life.  That doesn’t stop because someone does something stupid or embarrassing, especially when that is beyond their control.

Society as a whole is better when people have support systems to help them.  That is best accomplished in a family.  It is not the only support system that we have, but it is the most important.  When others don’t understand, the family does.  

I have taught children for many years.  When I have a student who lives with both of their own parents, they are immensely better behaved, smarter, more emotionally stable than a student who lives in a different “family” situation.  I have had a first grade student that was sexually active.  I have to assume that there was sexual abuse in the home.  I have had students who lived in a one room home in which mom brought home different men night after night. They were subjected to watching the sex life of their mother time after time.  I have had students who dried marijuana leaves in their oven.  I have had students that didn’t have a lunch to eat and who’s parents refused to fill out the paperwork for free or reduced lunch.  When you have students that live in situations like this, you know that they will not be focused on academics like those from a family with their own mom and dad.  

Marriage has been beneficial to our family because it kept us together when it would have been easy otherwise to walk away.  It has provided an example to our children and grandchildren.  It has provided a support system for my husband through a very difficult situation, that doesn’t seem like it will improve.  I don’t want you to think that I don’t love my husband, because I do, but sometimes I don’t like him.  If he didn’t have me to take care of him, he couldn’t dress himself, couldn’t cook for himself, couldn’t drive himself to the massive amount of doctor’s appointments that he has to go to.  He can’t cut his own meat, and wouldn’t be walking if he didn’t have the support that my children and I have provided for him.  I have the support of my children, who love both of us in spite of the fact that sometimes we are not lovable.  I have someone to tell my feelings to who will not judge my husband harshly because of the things he puts me through.  

Marriage is NOT all about two people loving each other. It is not all about being "happy."  If that were the case, my marriage would have ended before this. That implies that when the “love” is waning, you are justified in ending it.  Marriage is about two people that are committed to each other.  It is a safe environment to create and raise children to become their best possible selves.  It is a support system to help us through difficult times in our lives, and we all have them.  It is a safe place to fulfill sexual desires without hurting anyone or spreading disease, even if children are not the result of that union.  It is a place where people young and old learn to serve one another.  It is best for society as a whole to have loving and supportive families who will stand beside each other no matter what.  What I see as the alternative is that the government wants to become that support system, and that scares me.  

My heart breaks for those who do not have such a blessing in their lives.    I don’t always like my husband.  He is difficult to work with, but leaving him to fend for himself is beyond my capability as a human being.  He needs me, and I said that I would be there for him.  That is what I intent to do.  We are a family.  I'm sure there are times when he doesn't like me either. That's even okay with me. 

For me, I gave up my career, my home, my community support because what my husband needed was more important than what I needed at that particular time.  Sometimes in our marriage, he has been the strong one and I have not.  That is not the case anymore, but I know that when I need to hear the truth, he is the one that will be honest enough with me to tell me.  I have the honor of being able to serve someone who would gladly serve me if the roles were reversed.  

People talk about “love” being the reason for a marriage.  I can’t speak for their marriage, only my own.  What we have is way bigger than romantic love.  It is way bigger than sex.  It is way bigger than financial security.  It is family. It is EVERYTHING. 

To my young friends

I am surrounded by people 20-30 years younger than I am.  I know what they think.  They think they are prettier, smarter, and more savvy than their 'old' friend, me.  This is my message to them.

Think about the things you have learned since you were 18 years old. Think of the experiences you have had, the lessons you have learned, the things you have felt.  Then mulitply that x 3.  That is me. I may not be as pretty or in shape, although I certainly was when I was your age. I may not spend my time and money like you spend yours. Here's something to think about - I don't spend my time and money the way you do because I have been where you are, learned from that experience, and moved on to make better decisions.  I wouldn't trade what I know for where you are for anything. I have read a lot, not fiction, but non-fiction.  I have lived a lot.  I have expereienced a lot.  It is because I am experienced that I can make wiser choices than you can.  It has nothing to do with being smarter.  It has to do with having more experience.

You haven't raised teenagers to adulthood and then seen them apologize for their teenage years.  Many of you haven't lived in a place where you trusted your neighbors and even strangers on the street. You may not have driven down the street and had someone wave at you just to be nice, not because they know you. You may not have had to relocate your family several times and deal with the emotions of children learning to fit into a new environment. You may not have had to teach your children to drive or save their lives by turning the steering wheel just in the nick of time rather than being run over by a semi truck. You may not have looked outside at 3 am to realize that your teenager has left your house to go meet someone in the middle of the night. You may not have wished your kids were still 3 years old so the mistakes they could make would be easily fixable.  You may not have had to deal with injustices to yourselves and your children over and over again. You may not have watched your children make terrible mistakes after they have been taught better, and yet there is nothing you can do as you watch it. I know what works and what doesn't work when raising children, caring for loved one, and just navigating life.

Life is hard.  The longer you live, the more you learn. Please don't dismiss what I know.  One thing I have learned is that the smarter you are, the more you want to learn from the mistakes of others rather than making your own. Talk to people older and more experienced than you are. Don't dismiss what they know and have learned through hard life lessons. Don't just look at the exterior and think they must be loosers to look like that.  If you are lucky, you will look like that someday too.  Learn from them. You will be better of because of it.

Service

There are many different ways to give.  You can give money to the homeless person on the street corner, or you can give your time to help a youth with a project.  I don't give money to homeless people very often, but that doesn't mean I don't give. In fact, I try to give a lot of service to others.  I usually don't talk about that service, because unless there is a reason for telling you about it, doing so would only seek to to make myself look good, and that is NOT the reason we serve.

I think about the people that I have served, bringing in meals, taking people places, helping people with projects, cleaning houses, the list goes on. Those people will probably not remember me, and that's okay, but I will remember them. I will remember the good feeling that I got when I helped them.  Sometimes it is not even something that I made that I gave them.

My husband spent a very long time at trauma ICU at UNM Hospital. I don't live in the area anymore, but when I went back, I wanted to do something for those people sitting in trauma ICU with a family member in serious condition. I was staying in a hotel so I couldn't make something in my own kitchen for them.  I instead went to Sam's club and bought a box of 24 cupcakes and took it up to UNM Hospital.  When I started giving out the cupcakes, people were unsure of me.  They were looking for my motive.  Some people wanted to know how much I wanted for the cupcakes. I explained that my husband spent a long time up there, and I just wanted to do something nice for them.  They seemed surprised.  I guess I might have been surprised too. It's the small things that we do in life that are the best.

My husband was Santa this year.  He got to go to the local children's hospital and visit the kids in the most sick part of the hospital.  It was a way that he could give back a little. Honestly, I think that expereience changed his year.

One of my friends took a day off of work to come and sit with us at the hospital.  Kids were not allowed back in the rooms, and my daughter had her son, who was just learning to walk with her there. My friend sat with the baby while we went back to the room. It was such a kind gesture, and so needed at the time.

I cannot tell of all the times I have served or all times I have been served, even by people who did not know me, but I can tell you that if you are not doing something for someone else with no thought of payment or getting something in return, you have not truly lived.  It is the best thing that you can do.  Look for opportunities, and get out there and do something.  It changes you.

Disappointed

I am disappointed. Years ago I worked with some women that I am now friends with on facebook.  Facebook is an interesting thing. You see parts of people that you never would have seen otherwise. Such is the case with these women. They went to see the Book of Mormon play. They loved it - thought it was hilarious. What are you supposed to do when someone seeing something that trashes something that is so much a part of you, something that is so deeply personal? Well, I did what I had to do. I stood up for my religion. It actually reminds me of the scripture in Matthew 7:6 "Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you." Is the blunt enough? They have defiled that which I hold sacred. I would never do that to them, and yet they post proudly on facebook that they think it's funny to say "F.. you God" and shoving the Book of Mormon up someones' anus. Since when in our culture is that funny? 
I told them that I was disappointed. I am. One of them is a child psychologist. That is ironic to me. A child psychologist thinks it is okay for people to call such a show "entertainment." These are the same people who get upset if you say something about another race in a bad light. We wouldn't want to hurt their feelings. But it's okay to trample my beliefs in such an irreverant manner. Then it's funny. 

If we live in a society where this is what we use as entertainment, I want no part of that society. I would never in a million years say that kind of thing about about another person's religion.  Why is it okay to say it about mine? Why is it okay to use the F word in the same sentence with my Heavenly Father? Why is that EVER okay? 

Muslims kill people who say that kind of thing about their God. We don't, so it is okay. BULL! I don't know where the respect for each other and common courtesy went in our society, but when my own facebook friends think that insulting my religion is entertainment,  I need to look at who I call my friends.  

Grandmothers and cooking

My Maternal Grandmother

My daugther pointed something out to me that I had never thought about before.  Both of my grandmothers died when my parents were 16 years old.  It was a huge event in both of their lives and I knew it from the time I could understand language.

Because of this fact, and the fact that my mom's mother was sick for a period of time before she finally passed, my mother did not receive a lot of direction on how to cook for a family.  My mom could make a turkey dinner, because my grandmother thought that was important, and she made a point of teaching her that before she died.  Otherwise, my mother was not a great cook.

One time I asked my neighbor for the recipe of a yummy home made bread that she had shared with me.  She said, "Oh, I just used my mother's recipe.  Make it the same as your mother made it."  I laughed.  My mother never made a loaf of bread in her life!  I wouldn't have asked if I already had a recipe that worked for me.  I have made bread several times in my life, but I never made it consistently, and it was and still is challenging for me, even with a bread maker.

My cooking is better than my mother's with much more variety than she had, but I am not a great cook. I tease my husband when I say, "You married me for my good looks, not my cooking." Still, my mom never made much but meat and vegetables out of a can or freezer. I know how to cook potatoes from her, but I don't remember her ever cooking rice.

My daughters' cooking is probably better than mine and their daughters' will be better than theirs. But the fact is, having these two women die before their times almost a hundred years ago still has an impact on my family today. Anytime someone makes a decision to leave their family or who doesn't have a choice, like my grandmothers, leave scars in families that take generations to heal. Having a mother stay in your life is not something to take for granted. I am grateful that my mom lived as long as she did, which was longer than her mother, but it was NOT long enough.  She died before I was 40 years old. I could have used her during those times when I was raising teenage children, and it might have made a very big difference, but she wasn't.  If you still have your mom, especially if you are over 40, you are very fortunate.  Don't take it for granted, and don't take all those things you learned from generations of women before you for granted either.  They bless your lives in ways you have probably never thought of before.

Dave Ramsey

I saw this today from Dave Ramsey and it is my thought exactly, so I am sharing it.

Challenger Anniverary 29 years

This morning I am reminded that it has been 29 years since the Challenger lifted off into the cold blue skies over Florida. I will never forget that day if I live to be 150. We went outside with our classes to see the first teacher in space make history. Well, obviously since I am writing about it 29 years later, history was made that day, just not the way we were hoping. Since that day, I can never hear "America the Beautiful" without thinking of them. "Oh beautiful for heros proved in liberating strife, who more than self their country loved, and mercy more than life." The tears still flow this morning, 29 years later. For those kids in my class that year, thanks for sharing that sacred experience with me. I will never forger you either.

Here is what I remember about that day: We had waited months for that shuttle to launch. There were many delays. Finally that morning it was announced over the intercom that the shuttle was up. I took my class of 12 Chapter one kids and went to the front of the school to watch. There were clear skies, very clear. We could see the shuttle in the distance as it went higher and higher. We had seen this sight many times before, but this one had special meaning for us. Christa McAuliffe was on board. When it got above the line of all the surrounding trees, we knew that the rocket boosters would seperate. When they did, the trail went in two directions. That was not typical. Usually they would drop and the shuttle would keep going up. That is not what we saw this time. The teachers all knew it. We didn't have TVs in our classroom to see what had happened there so we went back into the classroom and turned on the radio. The announcer said, "Oh my God, it blew up." That day my class cried together. We discussed making the most of everyday. We discussed heros and how we never know when life will be over. Teachers discussed whether or not space exploration was worth the money and risk. I remember walking to lunch later and that smoke trail still being in the sky. It broke my heart to look at it, and yet, I couldn't take my eyes off of it. I had a 3 month old baby at home. Because of her, I thought of the kids that lost a parent that day. It broke my heart then and it still does. I thought of applying to be the first teacher in space. The only reason I didn't apply is because the call came out when I was a first year teacher, and I knew they wouldn't accept a first year teacher for the program. This piece of history touched me and my life in a very real way. I will never forget.

Miracles happen everyday

I have been fortunate to have experienced some miracles in my life.  Some of the most blatant were medical miracles, but really I have seen miracles of every kind.
After my husband's accident, one of my former co-workers was at a policital rally with a lot of people.  She fell and hit her head and suffered a brain injury.  My husband was still going to the doctor at the same hospital that we was life flighted to, so I decided to go and see her.  She was a shadow of what she had once been.  It was hard to see.  This woman was one of the most intelligent women I have ever known.  She was the librarian at the elementary school that I taught at.  Before I taught there, my children went there.  My daughter came home one day and told me that Mrs. Campbell (not her real name) knew everything.  I told her that no one knows everything.  Then I met her.  If she didn't know it, she would find it out.  She was incredible!  It broke my heart to see her in the condition she was when I visited her in the hospital.  I thought that she would never improve much and that she was destined for a life of confinement. Brain injuries are forever. Still, I told her: Miracles happen everyday.  Well, in her case, they did!  Mrs. Campbell may not be her full capacity, but if that were the case, only she would know it!  She is a walking miracle.
Miracles do happen everyday.  Teenagers grow up to regret what they do when they are teenagers.  Babies are conceived that biologically are impossible.  Babies are matched with adoptive parents that have been anxiously waiting for them.  Bodies are healed. Old friends and/or loves are reunited.  Hearts are mended.  Love endures.  Are these things not all miracles?
No matter what you are going through in your life, believe in miracles.  I have seen them happen over and over again and because of what I have seen, I can verify that they happen everyday!

Bus Stops

I was out walking this morning and happened to walk by the bus stop for elementary age children.  They were all in groups of families.  Parents were there with their own kids and then there would be another group of parents with kids, etc.  The kids didn't seem to know each other, talk to each other, or play with each other.
Picture this.  When I was in elementary school, the school bus picked us up within a block of my house.  I was one of the older ones by the time I moved to that neighborhood.  There were probably 25-30 kids that met there.  One parent would come, usually a parent of one of the younger kids to supervise.  All the kids played, sang, talked, and we looked forward to meeting there every morning.  We knew each other.  Played together outside of school and bus stops.
What happened to this?  The kids know each other.  They go to the same school, so why do they not play together and talk together and play jump rope together?  Our society is going downhill, and one of the reasons why is because we don't talk to each other.  We don't visit and socialize.  We need to teach our children to do this better.  We can "trust, but verify" people at least, can't we?  We are so afraid as a society to get to know people!  What is wrong with us?

Blowing leaves

Today I had an extra hour, which is a rare thing.  I have been looking at all the leaves in my rocks for months.  I decided to go and blow the leaves out of my rocks.  I didn't make that decision because I like blowing leaves.  I didn't make that decision because I had an hour to kill.  I made it because it was a good use of my hour since I wanted a cleaner yard.

While I was out there, a friend texted me and asked me if I was hiring a mutual friend to detail my car. He has a new business.  I had to explain to my friend that we don't hire people to do what we can do ourselves.

I started to think about that.  I would love to have someone clean my house, detail my cars, cook my meals, clean up the dog poop on my artificial grass, etc. but the fact is that I can do those things myself.  When I spend my money, I spend it on things or services that I cannot do myself.

I honestly don't enjoy doing them.  I would rather be doing other things, but I have to consider that my husband is disabled and doesn't do any of those things anymore.  I also have to consider that I am living on a disability and I can't spend money frivilously.  Perhaps I should also add that we are debt-free.  No, really - we are.  No mortgage.  No car payments, no credit card debt. Maybe that's because we do things for ourselves rather than paying someone else to do them.

I don't honestly know why I am supposed to be writing this post today, but perhaps someone out there needs it.  If it was you, You're welcome.  🌻

I can't….

When I was growing up, we were expected to go to college.  I don't know how that expectation was conveyed to me, but it was always there. I am baffled by that now because neither of my parents finished college.  I am not sure that either one of them even went to college.  I did go to college, but finishing was not easy for me.  I flunked out of my first year.  Then I transferred to a community college and finished my associates degree there.  I worked for a year to save money so that I could  move across the country to attend a University of my choice.  Once there, I  changed my major after just a semester, and I had to get a part time job on campus, and get grants from the government, but I made it!  My parents didn't pay for it, I did. My mom always told me that my education was something that once achieved, can never be taken away.  She was right.  Moms are almost always right.  At least, mine was.  After getting my bachelor's degree, I put my husband through school to get his bachelor's degree.  His parents didn't pay for it.  We did - together. We had two kids by the time he graduated - that was planned by the way. I have no regrets.  Life hasn't turned out the way we expected, but I still wouldn't have changed anything as far as our educations or our kids are concerned.  
My oldest daughter got her associates degree after she was married and had two kids.  Her husband is currently working on his bachelor's degree while working full time, all while being a dad to four. 
My second daughter graduated with her bachelor's degree at the same time as her husband graduated with his.  She was pregnant with their first child.  They had both worked cleaning the university at like 3:00 in the morning so that they could continue in school.  Then after getting his first job, her husband went back to school on-line to get his master's degree.  It was very expensive, and although they had not taken out any loans for their undergraduate work, he could not get his master's without student loans, so they took them out.  Then they proceeded to pay for them WHILE they were going to school.  They didn't pay $50 here or there.  They put every penny they had into paying off that loan!  By the time he graduated, they had paid off the entire loan amount.  
My son is still in college.  He has disabilities and I wondered if he would ever be able to even live on his own.  Well, he is living on his own. He has worked four years on his associates degree, but he is about to graduate with his associates degree in robotics and is applying to a University to work on a bachelors degree in robotics.  He is a genius at it.  He paid for it himself.  He is going to have to pay out of state tuition at the university because there aren't too many bachelors degrees in robotics offered at universities in this country. It will be an economic hardship for him, but he is going to do it.  
As you can see, I am proud of my kids.  They set the goal, and they didn't let anything stand it their way.  
When I hear people say that they couldn't go to college because they couldn't afford it, it makes me want to laugh.  If you want to do something in life, you find a way to do it.  Period.  If you want to be able to go to Europe, you are going to find a way to go.  If you want to open a business, you are going to find a way to do it.  
This applies to money as well.  When I was teaching to put my husband through school, I found that anything that I REALLY wanted, I could budget for and afford.  I had to give up other things in order to do that, but I really could afford what I wanted.  Granted, I bought a Honda Civic instead of a Mercedes, but I did buy a new car!  
The bottom line is that there are no excuses in life.  If you want something bad enough, you will find a way.  Get rid of the excuses.  You are in charge!  

Everyone has talents. Find them.

Years ago in Florida I taught kids in a Chapter One class that was a combination 4th/5th grade.  The kids that got into a Chapter One program at that time got there because they had scored below the 50th percentile in both reading and math in standardized testing.  These kids really struggled.  I had a set of twin boys in my class.  They were from a low socio-economic household.  They were being raised by their grandmother.  There weren't a lot of expectations for these boys at home.  Quite frankly, they had a low enough IQ that there weren't too many things that they could excel at as far as academics were concerned.  But these boys could run!  I mean they could really run fast!  I believe that if they were given proper training and coaching, they could have been olympic runners.  They didn't have that training and coaching, and that is a shame.  I wish I could have stepped up and offered it to them, but I was struggling at the time to support my own family while putting my husband through college.

While writing this post, I looked these boys up on a google search.  One of them is a registered sex offender in Florida.  You have no idea what seeing that did to me.  He could have been an olympic runner.  He was gifted in running!

Many years later, I taught at a school district in New Mexico where I taught gited kids.  They were gifted because they met the criteria according to the state of New Mexico.  What it means really, is that they were academically gifted.  Some of them will probably do something that will change the world.  I hope to find that on a google search one day.  Many different families wanted their kids in our gifted program.  They wanted their child to be "gifted."

I am here to tell you that every child is gifted.  Some may be gifted in music or art, while another is gifted in academics and another in sports.  Some are gifted in writing and another in being a loyal friend.  Some might be gifted in math but not reading or vice versa.  But everyone is gifted at something.  My challenge to my students has always been to look for the talents in others.  What are they?  What is it that this person can teach you about that they are better at than you are?  Then learn from them.  You may not become better at that thing than the person you admire, but you can be better at it than you are right now.  Learn something new, appreciate the talents of others.  Share what you have become good at.  We are all gifted.  Find your gifts, improve them, and share them.  Look for the gifts of others.  It will enrich your life.

Putting down roots

When we are teenagers, we think we need to get out of the place that we grew up in. Some people do, and never look back. Some people say that as a teen, but then stay around town. I never said that, I don't recall even thinking that, but I did leave.  I've been away from my home town for a very long time. At one point I moved to a neighboring town for six years. But the majority of my life has been spent in places very far from my home town. In retrospect, I can see the problems with what I did, and I can also see benefits. I'd like to share them with you. When you were starting your career, you go where the jobs are. I still think this is true and I don't think that doing otherwise is a smart financial decision. That being said, I wish I would have stayed closer to home. I'll tell you why. I grew up in Central Florida and stayed there until I went to college. I went to college at first in Orlando, about an hour and a half from home. Then I moved across the country to finish my degree. I ended up marrying a man from the other side of the country and we have lived in Utah, Florida, Georgia, New Mexico, Nevada, New Mexico again, and Nevada again. Because of Facebook and because I am determined, I can keep in touch with the people that I've met in my life. However the people that surround me, and the I interact with daily, don't know my past. They may know parts of it, but they don't know all of it. Sometimes I wish that I could be with people who knew my past. I've now lived in Nevada for the second time for four years. And there are a few people that know a few of the things that have happened to us in the past. But there isn't anyone who knows it all. My daughter and my grandkids live close to us and they know a great deal. They know more than anyone else around here. But when I see family members and friends that have lived in one location their entire life, I'm a little envious. I'm envious of those long friendships that they can enjoy every day. I'm envious of that the people they spend time with truly understand them. They understand the trials they had, and they understand the triumphs they had. There is something bonding about going through life experiences with someone. If you're there and see what goes on day by day it gives you an understanding that cannot be experienced in any other way. I feel like I've been misunderstood by people for most of my life. I think this is because they don't truly know my history. I have struggled with a teenager who wants to badmouth their parents. I understand that tendency, but if you haven't lived in a place long, people tend to believe those things. I learned that there are always two sides to a story. If you are economically prosperous in an area, people think you always have been. If you are needing help at a point in your life. The people around you think you're always needing help. None of those things are always true. At least for me, I had times that I've struggled financially, emotionally, and spiritually. There been times that I have been a rock of strength through a very difficult situatin. There've been times when both Richard and I were very successful in our careers and in our financial affairs. There were times that I felt guilty for success, because I had known a life without success. There are times when I was a community leader, and there are times that I spent most of the time in my house. They're always seasons to life. I understand that. But I wish the people that lived near me now knew about other experiences, other times, other situations in my life, and they don't. They aren't interested, and I'm not going to bore them with details that they're not interested in. 

There are good things about being able to start over, but I have worked all my life to make a good name for myself, and nobody here knows that.  They don't know that I gave up my teaching career that I loved, so that I could take care of a disabled husband.  They don't know that he used to be an electrical engineer and worked with nuclear materials for many years.  They don't know that he was a national leader in lightning protection. They don't know that he was an Eagle Scout. They don't know that when I married him, he was a bank teller, and we put him through college by working together, all while raising two girls. They don't know that we were evacuated from our home and our town when it was on fire. They don't know the months that we spent sitting in a trauma ICU unit and rehab centers. They don't understand the miracle of having my husband around at all.  They don't know why I don't want to live in a place that is cold and has icy roads. They don't know that we've lived around some very humble, and mentally challenged people. They don't know that we've lived around some of the smartest people in the world and in fact lived in a community full of them. They don't know that I've dealt with autism in my own family and raised a child with asperger's syndrome. They don't know that we are dealing with post traumatic stress and traumatic brain injuries and the after-effects of them every day. They don't know that I've taught special-education. They don't know that I taught some of the most gifted kids ever to go through public schools in the United States, and they certainly don't know how much I loved it, or even how good I was at it. They don't know that I've taught kids that didn't know where their next meal would come from. The truth is, some of them done don't even know that I've ever taught. They don't know that I have been hugged by teen idol and a prophet. They don't know the church callings that I've had, and I don't want them to know that because I want to exalt myself in some way, but I do want them to know so that my talents and experiences can be utilized in a more productive way. I feel all these experiences have been very helpful for me but they could also be helpful to others if they knew about them. I am by nature, an introvert.  I have a hard time sharing things of a personal nature, especially if I don't feel safe in doing so. If I had more of a history with the people that I'm surrounded with, life it could be very different. If you live around people that you've known your entire life, you are very lucky, and in many ways I'm very envious. Cherish it. Cherish those people that you share so much history with.  Not all of us are that fortunate. 

If you are young and deciding where to live, put down roots.  Pick a place and stay there.  There are many benefits in doing so.  I hope this explains a few of them. 

Buy Insurance

When we were first married my husband owned a life insurance policy.  We were struggling college students and barely made enough to buy food for ourselves, in fact, many times we didn't have the money to buy food for ourselves, but we paid our life insurance.  We had a little food storage, also purchased by my husband before we were married, and we lived on that food storage many times, especially when the insurance was due.  It was an economic hardship for us to pay that insurance.  Together our incomes amounted to below $10,000 a year, but we paid our premium always, and always on time.
Over the years we purchased other policies for him and even some for me.  He always believed in being over insured.  Those were his words "over insured".  If you were to ask me now, I don't believe that you can ever be "over insured".
In 2007, he turned 50 years old.  Early in 2008, he came to me one morning and told me that they had increased the premiums so much that he was going to cancel his life insurance.  I was not happy about this decision.  Both of us went off to work that day.  As I was at work a police officer came into my classroom to tell me that my husband had been in an automobile accident on the way to work.  His words were, "It doesn't look good."  That was an understatement.  His life hung in the balance for many months.  It was a miserable time for our family, but one of the first things I did when I finally got home was to pay his life insurance.  When he regained consciousness, I told him, "Remember that life insurance that you were going to cancel?  I paid it."  I haven't paid a life insurance premium for him since.  You see, when a person is disabled, at least in the case of his policies, you don't have to pay a premium.  That is part of the policy, at least it was in our case.
Paying insurance premiums is part of being a grown up.  You go without things to pay your insurance premiums.  You go without vacations, dinners out, and in our case, even food to pay for your life insurance policy.  Always get insurance, and always pay it on time.  Period.