How To Be A Grown Up: Richard's accident

It has recently occurred to me that there may be people out there going through things that I have already gone through that might need some help navigating those difficult situations. It is for that reason that I feel that writing a blog about our experiences would be helpful. I have written previous blog posts about other things, but for awhile anyway, I think I will concentrate on how to help people who are going through a trauma (in our case, a grave automobile accident), and how to nagivate through all the decisions, insurance problems, legal situations, medical complexities, etc.

Today I will begin with the background, which started on February 6, 2008. The morning of February 6, 2008, I attempted to drive my son to early morning seminary. It was 6 degrees that morning according to the thermometer on my car. We later found out it was actually colder than that according to the official readings. When we got to the high school, we found that seminary had been cancelled because of a delay in the start of the school day due to a teacher work day. I worked at the elementary school close to our home and I didn’t know of any delay, so I was surprised. My son and I drove back home. It is about 10 miles between home and the high school. The roads looked icy to me and I drove very slowly and carefully, especially around the curves on state road 402 between Los Alamos and White Rock. When I got home, Richard was just waking up. I told him that it was very cold out and the roads were dangerous. I told him he should drive carefully on his way to work. His life insurance payment had come due and so we were talking about that. He said that he wanted to cancel the policy. He had just turned 50 years old and the premiums had more than doubled. I was not very happy with him for considering doing that, as it would not hurt him, but doing so could effect me dramatically. Not long after, I went to work. Michael stayed home and was going to take the school bus up to school later that morning.

The day at work proceeded normally until about 9:15. I was teaching a gifted pull-put program and had a group of students that were working fairly independently on a major project that they were doing. I was looking over their shoulders of offer help and suggestions as needed. My principal and office secretary appeared at my door. I was in a classroom off the library, so the door was open at the time. They asked that I step outside my classroom for a moment. As I did so, I saw a police officer standing there in full uniform. My stomach dropped. I knew something was terribly wrong. The police officer told me that my husband had been in an accident on the way to work. He said “It doesn’t look good.” At that time a million thoughts were going through my mind. I am not one to over-react, so while I may have appeared fairly calm, I was far from it. I waited for more information. The police officer told me very little except that the two cars involved didn’t look like they were involved in the same accident. The other car was not damaged that much at all. Rich’s was demolished. I don’t think he used that word, but that is the impression that I got. Richard was at Los Alamos Medical Center and I needed to to get there ASAP because he was going to be life-flighted to UNM Hospital in Albuquerque. My daughter happened to be subbing at my school that day so I asked that she be notified. We were driven by my principal to the hospital and she stayed with us there while we waited. I called my home teacher, but he did not answer the phone because he was working at the temple that day. I tried to call the bishop but couldn’t get through so I called the counselor and he immediately got through to my bishop. By the time I got to the hospital, my bishop was there. My principal called the high school and got my son out to class to come to the hospital as well. We later found out that the message delivered to the high school was, “Michael needs to go the hospital to say good-bye to his dad.” Richard had been suffering with depression for awhile and so I told the bishop that if it took him fighting for his life to make it, he wasn't going to live. My bishop looked at me and said, "Don't you think you are worth living for?" I didn't know if Richard would see it that way at all, but at that point, all I could do was to take one moment at a time, and that is exactly what I tried to do.

A member of my ward drove me to Albuquerque. My bishop called Jimmie and Teresa, friends who had moved there a few years previously from White Rock, where we lived,

and asked if they could assist with a priesthood blessing and if they could provide a place for our family to stay. They very generously agreed to help in every way possible. Their help was absolutely invaluable to me over the next few months. Jimmie was at the hospital when I arrived. He had not yet given the blessing as he had not yet been able to see Richard. When he did, he didn't recognize him. He was accompanied by another member of his ward, who we did not know. Later that evening, another couple who were previously in our ward in LA and were currently living in Albuquerque came over and gave blessings to myself, my daughter Wendy, and my son Michael. I really don't remember too much about those blessings, but I do remember Wendy being told that this should not interupt her schooling, and that she should return to college as scheduled when the next semester began. It was for that reason that we never considered her staying home.

I called my daugher Danielle, who lived in Las Vegas and she immediately booked a flight for herself and her son Aiden, who was just about a year old. I also called my in-laws, and began to drive there in the next 24 hours.

Richard’s injuries were explained to me briefly before going to Albuquerque. I was told that he needed to have chest tubes put in while in Los Alamos so that he would survive life flight to UNM. The surgeons in LA did that. Then when I arrived at UNM, a doctor came and told me that his foot had been basically amputated and they were going to remove it. I told the doctor that Richard would not want to live if he woke up and his foot was gone. The doctor said he would try to save it. He had major swelling in the entire body. He had a head injury. His lungs popped by a broken rib. He broke through both bones in the left forearm. He had fractures in the bones in the right hand. He had compound fractures in his ribs, breaking all of them on the left side, doing damage to the diaphragm as well. Many on the right side were also broken. He had compound (more than one break per bone) and open (broken bones sticking out through the skin) in the legs. He was not expected to survive. The orthopedic doctors would have liked to have operated on his arm and legs but they could not get permission from the Trauma ICU doctors. He needed to be stabilized before that could be done.

I had a few things to wear that I threw into a suitcase and I stayed at Jimmie and Teresa's house. They fed all of us breakfast every morning, gave us emotional support, visited Richard in the hospital, and honestly, I don't know what I would have done without them. I didn't really sleep well the first night, and to be honest, it took me months to be able to sleep normally.

It is my hope that I will be able to share some of the things that we had to face during those difficult months so that someone, maybe many someones will be able to deal with their situations more effectively than I did. I didn't have any 'professional' explain any of the things that I would have to deal with, and I certainly didn't know anyone with any experience that might know what I should do. My boss told me that first day that I would need to file for Family Medical Leave, so I did that. Maybe my next post will deal with that issue.