But if not...

After Richard came home from the hospital (after many, many months) he was still in a wheelchair and could only walk short distances with great assistance. He was blind in his left eye and the optical nerve in the right eye was also damaged. His left arm had dead muscle that needed to be removed, and was badly broken, even crushed. He was dealing with MRSA infection in his ankle which threathened him losing his foot. He had damage to his diaphram and lungs. He had a moderate to severe brain injury and we were just really finding out what that meant for us as a family.  At this time we had a stake conference and we had a visiting general authority.  I honestly don't remember who it was, but it was a member of the counsel of the twelve.  (I know, I should remember.  I had quite a bit on my mind at the time.  I apologize.) Richard talked to our stake president before the conference and asked if the visiting GA would give him a priesthood blessing.  We never heard back from the stake president, but in his talk, the general authority said that he had been asked by a member of the stake for a blessing and he basically reprimaded the person that asked for the blessing.  He said that he should ask for a priesthhood blessing from his home teacher. He said it was the same priesthood. Of course, Richard had asked his home teacher for blessings.  He asked a lot of people for priesthood blessings, and he got many, many blessings.  One thing that we have learned along the way that some people have a gift for healing and some people don't. I know that my husband would not be not healed because of a lack of faith. He won't get members amputated, even at a doctor's recommendation because of the faith that he has!  
We have both seen and heard about others who have received blessing from apostles and some who receive them from the prophet himself.  They had similar issues to Richard's, and some had issues that at least on the surface may have been less serious than what Richard was dealing with. I couldn't help but think, "Why are some people privleged enough to receive such a blessing, and others are reprimanded for asking for the same?" If Richard was a bishop or a stake president, would he have recieved that blessing?
I have given this situation a lot of thought over the last ten years.  There are some people who would have their faith shaken by such a situation. There are some people who would have walked out of that stake conference right in the middle of it. We didn't do that.  We didn't go inactive.  We didn't question the validity of the church or the calling of the apostle. But, I have thought about it, pondered it. 
In the end, I think I have come to realize that apostles are human and so are we.  Perhaps it is part of our test to be faced with such a situation and not be hurt enough to lose our faith because of it.  Perhaps it is because in the end, Richard will be healed personally by the very Savior Jesus Christ himself. Perhaps it is because we didn't need the experience to strengthen his faith. One thing I do know is that the Lord doesn't love Richard any less because an apostle didn't give him a blessing. It has reminded me of a scripture Daniel 3:17-18  "If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king.
But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up. " What that means is that we know that the Lord could completely heal Richard, but if not, we will not doubt our Lord.  I still don't think a public reprimand was appropriate, but people are human, even apostles. 
So we live in the "but if not" situation. Perhaps that is our mission, to stand up and say that although the Lord didn't have an apostle give Richard and blessing and heal him, we will not lose our faith. We will not question our leadership. 
We know that the Lord has the power to heal.  We know that apostles have the priesthood and can heal with it. We also know that some people don't get healed, even with a priesthood blessing from a prophet. We are but servants and will be humble and obedient in our "but if not" situation. Most of the time I don't really think about it too much.  The entire accident experience has taught me a lot, and this is just one of the lessons. It is hard put them all down, but I am making the attempt in this blog.  Perhaps someone else is going through a similar experience. Don't lose hope, and don't doubt your Heavenly Father's love for you because that is very real. Your road may be the "but if not" road as well.  If so, please know that you are not the only one on the road. Reach out to me if you would like. God bless.