Large families

I know that having large families is not popular.  Heck, get married isn't even popular.  I wouldn't consider myself in a big family by any stretch of the imagination, but my family is larger than most I see in the community around me.  Having a lot of children around is crazy, I know, I just had all my posterity at my house for a surprise party for my husband.  I have eight grandchildren ranging in age from 13 years to 10 months.  When they are together, things are a little like a circus. Still, there are plenty of good reasons why having a large posterity is a blessing in my life.

My sister-in-law needs a kidney transplant. She has no posterity, but fortunately for her, she has mine that loves her like their own. One of our family (who wants to remain anonymous) is going to donate their kidney.  It isn't a match, but it still puts Cindy at the top of the donor list. That would not be possible without a large posterity.

When Richard was in his accident, there was not one day that I was alone in my efforts to handle all the things that I had to deal with.  I had children that helped me.  I had a community around me that gave me support like I could not believe, but the ones that were in it for the long haul were these kids of mine.

As I grow old, it is these three people that I can depend on to be there to continue to love me even if I loose by bowel control, bladder control, memory, or ability to care for myself.  My precious girls have offered to take care of my in my old age. I didn't ask them to, they offered.  One thing I can be sure about and that is that I will never be alone. I have 11 people (so far) that I know will always care and be there for me.  That is worth a great deal to me.  It also makes me sad for those who do not have such a posterity.
I understand that there is only so much we can do about having a large posterity.  I understand that some people want it, but it is denied them.  I am fortunate, and I know that, but I also made decisions differently than those who chose not to have children.  I am blessed, but I am also grateful for the decisions in my life that lead me to this place. There is nothing in my life that I have done that will make as big an influence in 100 years than these people. There is nothing more important than raising them to be the kind of citizens I hope the future will have. It is not politically correct to say this anymore, but I still believe that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.  They are also the people that will pay for the social security of those in my generation.  We should be grateful for large families that will provide for all of us in our old age, but I am grateful in innumberable ways for the posterity that I have.  It is my greatest treasure.

Retirement and the fight continues

Richard is now old enough to apply for retirement.  He made a call to start the process and that is when the problems started.  He is being offered almost $2000 less a month now, because he is "disabled" than he would have been if he didn't have that accident 11 years ago.  We are weighing our options, and trying to look at this from every angle.  I suppose that there will be many more blog posts as this unfolds.  We tried to get the documents that support this decision made by his employer, but we are told that they have to "ask permission" for him to see them.  These are documents that cover the plans of retirees and disabled employees.  Are they secret?  Shouldn't they be accessible to every employee?  Are they changing them depending on the circumstances?  Do you have any option here?  

The bigger question for me is why does everything have to be a fight?  Why should he have to fight for what is rightfully his?  Why, after years of hospitals and doctors and too many surgeries to count, and malpractice by insurance companies as well as medical professionals do we still have to fight for him to his retirement?  Is the whole point of it all to wear the employee out so they have nothing left inside to fight with?  

We fought for accidental death and dismemberment insurance to pay numerous times.  We fought health insurance over and over again.  We fought Social Security to get his benefits. We fought for dignity in health care.  We fought doctors who have done more harm than good (and I wish I could say that there weren't many of them, but the truth is, there have been a LOT of them!) We fought the post office for access to a mailbox. We fought people who say stupid stuff to disabled people.  We fought businesses who do not have aceess or compassion for people who just want to live their life as normally as possible.  I get tired of fighting. 

Is it not bad enough that he has a traumatic brain injury?  Is it not bad enough that he has missing bones in his forearm? Is it not bad enough that he only half an eye to see out of? Is it not bad enough that he only has one working hand and one working foot?  Is it not bad enough that he lost his career and sense of worth from his contribution to society at large?  I guess it is not, because now we have to continue to fight for his retirement.  

If you think this can't happen to you, be careful because this is certainly not a situation that we chose to be in.  Disability can happen to anyone, and it can happen to you.  

There has to be a better way.  I hope that the world will figure out a better way as time goes on.  We may not benefit, but it is my hope that someone will.  

The Peacock

This is something that has been brewing inside of me for about 4o years now.  It’s the perfect time to say it.  

I have been a Donny Osmond fan since about 1970. It has not always been a popular position. In fact, it has rarely been a popular place to be. But the truth is that Donny has gotten better and better. The older I have gotten, the more I have realized that Donny has one of the best voices in the history of entertainment. He may not have started out that way, but Donny is a perfectionist and a hard worker.  He has spent over 50 years getting better and better, and still no one will give him a chance.  Why?  Because he is “Donny Osmond.”  Michael Jackson once told him that his name was poison and that if wanted a career in show business, he needed to change his name. Donny didn’t do that. He thought his career was over in 1978 when he got married.  He was 21 years old.  

In the 70s, I read “The Parade” magazine that came in the Sunday newspaper. There was a weekly column where you could ask questions about celebrities. I don’t remember who the writer was, and if I did, I probably wouldn’t give him credit, but about once a month there was a question about Donny or another Osmond.  The writer would proceed to tear Donny apart every time.  He said that Donny had no talent over and over again as if he was trying to convince himself.  

In 1989 Donny released a single called, “Soldier of Love.” In order to get it played by radio stations, they had to keep his identity a secret. People loved the the song, but what good is a great song when no one will play it?  Because it was played without a name, it went to #2 on Billboard’s Top 100 in 1989.  

One would think that after that, Donny would deserve some respect. However, when he went to audition for “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat,” Andrew Lloyd Webber even said to him, “Where have you been keeping that voice?”  as if it were some secret that he was hiding.  

In the early 2000’s Donny asked his fans to call their local radio stations and ask them to play his latest song, “Breeze on by.”  This one Donny wrote himself, and it was fabulous.  I called my local station in Las Vegas and asked them to play it.  The DJ could not have been more insulted. He was not going to play Donny Osmond.  No way.  Why? Because he was Donny Osmond.  No other reason.  He wouldn't even listen to it.  

Meeting Donny for the first time in Chicago.

Now, Donny’s career continued, and it continued because he has very loyal fans.  Most of his fans have been with him since 1970, and some before that.  One of the reasons for this is because of Donny’s personality and integrity as a star.  Let me explain.  Donny has never met a stranger. I was blown away when I met him for the first time.  I was meeting Donny Osmond, and that was one of the most important moments of my life.  I was so nervous that I thought I was going to wet by pants so I wore protection just in case. (Yes, I really did just admit to that!) Donny put me at ease immediately. First of all, he spent approximately 30 minutes with 6 of us after a show of “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” in Chicago. By the time we left, all of us felt that he was our best friend.  He treats everyone as if he has known them all of his life.  I was especially sensitive to this because I have members of my family with asperger’s syndrome. One of the problems with asperger’s is that it makes one “socially awkward.”  After being around several people who were socially awkward, I met Donny Osmond, who is the absolute opposite of that.  I believe it is a gift, but I don’t know if it is natural or something he has learned along the way.  All I know is that he makes you feel as if you are the most important person in the room. More celebrities need to know how to do that.  

Dancing with Donny in Las Vegas

When the Oprah show ended, Donny rounded up all the Osmond descendants and they did one of Oprah’s last shows.  It was just days after their father had died, but they didn’t cancel the show.  Oprah’s producer, Tara Montgomery said this, “I’ve worked here 16 years,” Tara said in an article posted on “The Oprah Winfrey Show’s website. “I’ve worked with every celebrity that you can think of, and there is no doubt in my mind, if anybody asks me in 30 years, ‘Who was the nicest celebrity?’ [It’s] Donny Osmond and his family.” 

https://www.accessonline.com/articles/access-top-10-the-oprah-winfrey-shows-best-celebrity-moments-101562

On top of this, Donny walks the walk.  He lives what he says be believes, and there are few around that do that these days too.  

Donny won Dancing with the Stars in 2009. While he was competing (which if you have ever seen it, you will realize how much work goes into just competing, never mind winning,) he was also performing in Las Vegas nightly and doing a radio show, all at the same time.  

Speaking of Las Vegas.  Donny started a 6 week engagement there and now that 6-week contract has been extended to over 10 years. 

I have lived in Las Vegas for about 9 years and I have seen a lot of shows.  There are great singers, there are great performers, there are great dancers, but rarely are they all in one person.  Donny is the exception.  He puts on a show like no other. He performs and even dances like a 25 year old and the man is 61 years old!  I have gone home from concerts that I had been wanting to see for 30 years disappointed because compared to Donny, the show was dull.  They just didn't have the sparkle that Donny has in his shows.  I have even seen Donny when he alone was on the stage, and he still had us all wrapped around his finger.  The truth is, Donny is AMAZING!

When I heard about the premise of “The Masked Singer” I knew this was the show for Donny.  It was perfect for him because he could be given the opportunity to showcase his talent with no prejudgments. He never gets that chance, and now he had it.  I knew the Peacock was Donny right away, but in the New York Times after the first show By Rob Bailey-Millado said,

“This colorfully costumed contestant teased himself as a showbiz veteran from the age of 5..."

The Twitterverse thinks Donny Osmond is a no-brainer — but was the King of Pop really his pal? (And does Donny have the pipes to bust out that soulful version of “The Greatest Show” from the hit Hugh Jackman/Zac Efron flick?)”

https://nypost.com/2019/01/03/are-the-masked-singer-stars-donny-osmond-rumer-willis-and-cee-lo/

Yes, Donny does have the pipes to do it, sadly you are not open-minded enough to give the man a chance. That's too bad for you Mr. Bailey-Millado. The Donny we saw on "The Masked Singer" is the Donny that those of us who know him recognize.  We had no doubt because the truth is, the Peacock was signature Donny! 

Now Donny is over 60 years old and people still don’t get it. Donny is amazing.  His fans have known it for many, many years. I am hoping that after coming in ahead of LaToya Jackson and Gladys Knight in The Masked Singer, perhaps some will be willing to admit that they underestimated Donny. I hope that there are those out there that will start to look for Donny’s songs on iTunes that have never done that before. He says that he is going to release another album soon, and maybe a different kind of buyer will buy it than has in the past.  I hope so.  I hope that this show will have opened some eyes in the entertainment industry.  I certainly haven’t listed everything that Donny has done in his career in this short writing, but I wanted to show that over and over again Donny Osmond and his talents are under-appreciated. He is one of the greatest talents of our day and a rare breed in that he is actually nice to his fans.  Hollywood could learn a lot from a man with a career as long as Donny Osmond's.  The question is: Will they?  

But if not...

After Richard came home from the hospital (after many, many months) he was still in a wheelchair and could only walk short distances with great assistance. He was blind in his left eye and the optical nerve in the right eye was also damaged. His left arm had dead muscle that needed to be removed, and was badly broken, even crushed. He was dealing with MRSA infection in his ankle which threathened him losing his foot. He had damage to his diaphram and lungs. He had a moderate to severe brain injury and we were just really finding out what that meant for us as a family.  At this time we had a stake conference and we had a visiting general authority.  I honestly don't remember who it was, but it was a member of the counsel of the twelve.  (I know, I should remember.  I had quite a bit on my mind at the time.  I apologize.) Richard talked to our stake president before the conference and asked if the visiting GA would give him a priesthood blessing.  We never heard back from the stake president, but in his talk, the general authority said that he had been asked by a member of the stake for a blessing and he basically reprimaded the person that asked for the blessing.  He said that he should ask for a priesthhood blessing from his home teacher. He said it was the same priesthood. Of course, Richard had asked his home teacher for blessings.  He asked a lot of people for priesthood blessings, and he got many, many blessings.  One thing that we have learned along the way that some people have a gift for healing and some people don't. I know that my husband would not be not healed because of a lack of faith. He won't get members amputated, even at a doctor's recommendation because of the faith that he has!  
We have both seen and heard about others who have received blessing from apostles and some who receive them from the prophet himself.  They had similar issues to Richard's, and some had issues that at least on the surface may have been less serious than what Richard was dealing with. I couldn't help but think, "Why are some people privleged enough to receive such a blessing, and others are reprimanded for asking for the same?" If Richard was a bishop or a stake president, would he have recieved that blessing?
I have given this situation a lot of thought over the last ten years.  There are some people who would have their faith shaken by such a situation. There are some people who would have walked out of that stake conference right in the middle of it. We didn't do that.  We didn't go inactive.  We didn't question the validity of the church or the calling of the apostle. But, I have thought about it, pondered it. 
In the end, I think I have come to realize that apostles are human and so are we.  Perhaps it is part of our test to be faced with such a situation and not be hurt enough to lose our faith because of it.  Perhaps it is because in the end, Richard will be healed personally by the very Savior Jesus Christ himself. Perhaps it is because we didn't need the experience to strengthen his faith. One thing I do know is that the Lord doesn't love Richard any less because an apostle didn't give him a blessing. It has reminded me of a scripture Daniel 3:17-18  "If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king.
But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up. " What that means is that we know that the Lord could completely heal Richard, but if not, we will not doubt our Lord.  I still don't think a public reprimand was appropriate, but people are human, even apostles. 
So we live in the "but if not" situation. Perhaps that is our mission, to stand up and say that although the Lord didn't have an apostle give Richard and blessing and heal him, we will not lose our faith. We will not question our leadership. 
We know that the Lord has the power to heal.  We know that apostles have the priesthood and can heal with it. We also know that some people don't get healed, even with a priesthood blessing from a prophet. We are but servants and will be humble and obedient in our "but if not" situation. Most of the time I don't really think about it too much.  The entire accident experience has taught me a lot, and this is just one of the lessons. It is hard put them all down, but I am making the attempt in this blog.  Perhaps someone else is going through a similar experience. Don't lose hope, and don't doubt your Heavenly Father's love for you because that is very real. Your road may be the "but if not" road as well.  If so, please know that you are not the only one on the road. Reach out to me if you would like. God bless.  

Wise Counsel

I am a Mormon, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and yesterday the president of our church passed away.  We believe that the president of the church is a prophet, very similar to the Pope if you are Catholic.  I just wanted to share how he was my prophet. After Richard's accident, I knew that my life would be incredibly different than it was prior to his accident.  President Monson had just been made president and prophet since his predecessor has passed away just days before the accident. I listened to general conference with a question as to whether this man had been called as a prophet.  At the first general conference of the church after the accident, President Monson addressed us.  In part, this is what he said:

"At times there appears to be no light at the tunnel’s end—no dawn to break the night’s darkness. We feel surrounded by the pain of broken hearts, the disappointment of shattered dreams, and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea “Is there no balm in Gilead?”  We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you. He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face.

With all my heart and the fervency of my soul, I lift my voice in testimony today as a special witness and declare that God does live. Jesus is His Son, the Only Begotten of the Father in the flesh. He is our Redeemer; He is our Mediator with the Father. He loves us with a love we cannot fully comprehend, and because He loves us, He gave His life for us. My gratitude to Him is beyond expression."

How could I not believe this man is my prophet?  His words were perfect for me at that time in my life. I won't forget the comfort that President Monson brought to me at that difficult time.  His inspiration will be missed. 

I did turn to my Heavenly Father from the very first moment, and did lift and guide me!  It is because of this lifting and guiding that I was able to survive the whole experience with my sanity.  I have learned a lot, and I wish I would have known someone who had been through similar circumstances, but I always knew, and never doubted that I was supported from my Heavenly Father. I know that no suffering endured can even compare with he suffering of Jesus Christ. Suffering is certainly part of life, but there is great comfort in knowing of and feeling the support from a heavenly source that I am extremely grateful for, just like the footsteps poem.  

Of course, our new prophet will have words of wisdom too, but at this time in my life, President Monson's words were a huge comfort to me, and I couldn't have been more grateful. I could go on and on about what a good man President Monson was and how he spent his life in service to his brothers and sisters in and out of the church. There are many stories of following promptings and being of service to others that I could tell you, but this one is the one that touches my heart the most.  I am grateful to have a prophet to guide us.  

The symbol of Santa

When my husband became Santa the first year, I never dreamed the lessons that I would learn and spiritual experience and symbolisms that I would see and understand through the experiences.  

The first time that I saw the total faith of a child in their eyes as they looked up to Santa Claus, knowing that he could be totally trusted and that he could grant their deepest wishes if only he would, I saw myself.  I saw myself as I prayed for miracles that I could not provide for my own life.  I saw my faith in my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ as I asked for things that only they can grant if they only would. It brought me to tears. I realized the symbol that Santa represented in that moment.  Children have an easier time putting their faith in someone that they can see, touch, confide in.  At Christmas time, that someone is Santa Claus.  I have seen them tell him things that they might not ever tell someone else. This is something thdat we need to do when we pray, pour our heart out, confide in Him the things that you can’t confide in others.  

I have seen them ask for parents to be healed. Santa has to explain that he does not have the ability to heal people, only Jesus can do that.  Those moments are tender for Santa, and for the child.  I don’t know about all Santas, but I know that my husband as Santa tells the children to go to the source of true healing, that there are some things Santa can’t do. Santa can bring toys, clothing, things, but Santa does not work miracles.  That is something only the Lord can do.  

When we “become” Santa, we do so by fulfilling someone’s deepest desires for things - toys, clothing, food, etc.  That is also a beautiful symbol, giving to someone something that they cannot provide for themselves.  Isn’t that what the Lord did for us?  Give us something that we cannot provide for ourselves? In being Santa, fulfilling someone’s desires, we are truly becoming a savior, in a small symbolic way to that person. 

Some people think that Santa Claus is a secular symbol of Christmas, but I disagree. I see the face and love of our Savior when I see Santa.  I see Jesus in the grantor of wishes, those that become Santa for someone else.  

Childhood doesn’t last long.  Believing in Santa doesn’t last long.  Some people think that it is wrong to teach children about an imaginary person who brings them gifts. I believe that in telling children that Santa is bringing gifts that you yourself provide, you are showing a selflessness that is beyond the understanding of those who do not share the gift of Santa with their children.  Childhood is a time for magic, and no one brings magic like Santa. When we give gifts from Santa, we are giving in secret.  Jesus asked us to give alms in secret. “But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth:” Jesus said,  “Thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly.” Giving gifts to children with no thought of them knowing who did the giving is a Christlike attribute. 

In this season of my life, I get to see the miracle of Santa. I wish everyone could experience it. It helps me appreciate the role that Jesus Christ has in my life. Santa is not a perfect symbol, but the symbols that I see touch my soul, and I am grateful for them.  

Changing

Every New Year's some people set goals for themselves and some people purposely ignore doing so because they say they never keep them anyway, so what is the point?  

I have been thinking lately about my life as it was in my 20s compared with life as it is in my 50s.  A lot of time has passed, but has it made a difference? I have learned SO much in the last 30 years that I can honestly say that those 30 years have been very educational for me.  I am not the person I was in my 20s.  I don't make the same kinds of decisions that I made in my 30s.  I am even better than I was in my 40s.  Think of how much I will have learned and grown by the time I am 80!  

Life is a process.  It is especially so when you work on improving yourself everyday.  I certainly am not successful in getting better everyday, but when I look at my improvement over 30 years, I'm doing pretty darn good!  

If you get discouraged and think you are not seeing progress in your life, even when you are trying to make some, realize that some progress can only be seen when looked at from a great distance - maybe it will be 30s years.  Maybe it will only be 10 years or 2 years, but the trick is to never give up trying to get better, to set goals.  

I am not saying that you should do it through New Year's resolutions, but the point is to do it.  It WILL make a difference in who you are and the choices that you make.  For me, writing down the goals helps me to keep them.  Being accountable to someone for those goals also helps me to keep them.  I am not always successful, and sometimes I mess up big time, but every day we are given the opportunity to start again and to make better choices.  I hope that you can find the courage to believe in yourself and your ability to change and become better.  

I have often heard people talk about their "favorite sins," the ones that you like, so you don't want to give them up.  Of course, I had mine.  One of them was watching "The Young and the Restless."  It isn't really a terrible thing, but it was a time waster, and to me wasting time is worse than wasting money, so it was a problem.  Besides, I have watched it for over 35 years!  How is that for a habit?  When I think of all that time lost, it kind of makes me sick. Five hours a week for 35 years?  Well, that's a lot of wasted time. This last October, I decided to stop doing something that I had been doing and start doing something I wanted to start doing.  I decided it was time to give up my show. I have done it!  I am pretty proud of myself for not watching this show for the last 8 weeks.  What an accomplishment!  

I have also seen people who don't set goals and don't try to change, and I have to say that they DO change over time too, but it isn't a good change.  You know the people, the ones that say, "This is just how I am."  Over time, their problems become worse and bigger and harder.  

The choice is yours.  You are moving and growing in your life.  You choose if the change is positive by setting goals for yourself or if it is negative, by not setting goals and going down hill instead.  I choose to aim at achieveable goals and work until I have them down and then go on to something else.  In the end, I may grow to be the kind of person that I want to be, one step at a time.